I feel that it is finally time for me to clear the air about what actually happened to me in Term 4, and why I was not physically present in the last few months of the school year. I have waited for a while to do this and truth be told, I am hoping that explaining this to you will be a cathartic move, and bring closure to me.
Many (in fact most) of you would probably not have noticed this while I was around, but I was actually pregnant since early in the year. However, considering that I only saw my Sec 3 classes once a week, I'm certain some of you probably thought I was merely getting fat and pulling in a lot of sick days due to health concerns when, in fact, I was actually having a rather problematic pregnancy.
For unknown reasons, my baby was not gaining weight and for a few months, as early as April 2011, I had been told by the doctors that my baby might not survive in-utero. They were preparing me for the eventuality that my baby might die even before the estimated date of birth in January 2012. However, I was quietly optimistic that it would not be the case and prayed that everything would work out for the baby and me. When school re-opened in September for Term 4 however, I was placed on 30 days of hospitalization leave because my gynae at KK felt that I was in no condition, physically or emotionally, to return to work.
I delivered my baby, a son, on
At only 23 weeks old, he was not alive.
I named my son Ayaan, which means 'Gift from God'.
Today marks the third month since his passing, to the day.
Although I had been ill during the pregnancy, it was the emotional stress which surrounded the whole ordeal that took the greatest toll and for a long time leading up to the death of my son, and even after his passing, I was inconsolable. I applied for no-pay leave for the remaining weeks of the term to rest, recuperate, grieve and heal at home.
It was during this time that some of you sent sweet smses to me enquiring my health while others wished me a speedy recovery when they emailed me their work. Two sweetheart boys even left Post-It notes on my locker to say hello and thank you for the year's efforts. All these went unanswered, and for that, I am truly sorry. You see, I was battling a sense of hopelessness and despair. I was grieving the death of my son, an experience that was and continues to be overwhelming, indescribably so.
I hope that students in my Literature classes will read what I have penned and understand that I did not mean to abandon my classes and that my actions were spurred by necessity rather than selfishness.
As the year 2011 draws to a close, my prayers are for a bountiful, blessed year ahead for all of us. May 2012 be a new begining for all of us, in the truest sense of the words.
Have yourselves a great last week of holidays and see you soon.
With love
Ms.Annisa
P/s:
Do check this blog again for instructions and updates on Literature Paper 2 (Romeo and Juliet) on
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